an ode to mama(s)

she's bathed all our bottoms in the same sink since day one

because of religious reasons, my family has never really celebrated mother's day. and it's always been a time when i try to compensate for my dad's and brothers' decision to not acknowledge mother's day, in which i buy or make some kind of personal gift for my mom.

this year, i took my mama to see mamma mia -- and to my delight, she spent the whole time clapping along to those cheesy recognizable (and yes, fun) abba songs, laughing to all the sexual pun jokes (whoah there, mom!), and commenting on how good the singers were. there was a moment when the mother gets her daughter ready for her wedding by brushing her hair and helping her into her wedding gown. the mother character started singing this sentimental song and all the sudden i started tearing up. i peered at my mom through the corner of my eye, trying to hide those embarrassing tears. i suppose i was just caught up in sharing a rare moment with my mom where she wasn't working hard for the rest of the family to be well-fed and well taken-care-of, where she wasn't jittering around the house cleaning up after others, and finally, she wasn't the last person to sit down, relax, and enjoy herself.

the older i get, the more i realize how selfless my mom really is, and how much real work she has clocked in since day one. i've developed this relationship with my mom, where i somehow always manage to give her a snappy attitude, even when she means well. like when she's the last to eat, i respond with some sharp comment about her needing to stop babying everyone else. the attitude doesn't come so much from bein mad at her selflessness; i think i just want to see my mom put herself first for once in her life.

we live in a patriarchal society where men are the "head of the household" -- a phrase my dad has used many times in discussing the way things operate with our family. but mothers, i believe, are and have always been the primary foundations for families. my mom has always been the one to take care of my dad, my big ass brothers, myself, and now the grandkids. and it's funny how the word "care-taker" doesn't hold as much steam as "head of the household" or disciplinarian. but i think it should -- because if it weren't for all the care and love and labor that moms give wholeheartedly, families, and especially my family, would fall apart. if it wasn't for my paternal grandmother, who raised my dad on her own for 13 years when my grandfather went to hawaii to work in the sugarcane fields, i wouldn't have a father who knows hard work and discipline. if it wasn't for my maternal grandmother who helped pay for an entire extended family's education by sewing dresses, i may not value education as much as i do today.

i can only hope that if/when i become a mama (don't bet on anytime soon!), i can be as selfless as all these strong, hard-working and inspiring women in my life. so, happy [belated] mother's day y'all.