my brain is in a state of bloating, cramping, and constipation, over too many important decisions i need to make in the next week or so. i got too much shit in my head that i'm constantly thinking about, analyzing, and i just need a sense of release pronto!
decisions #1:
- i've been interviewing and doing sample teaching lessons with several green dot charter schools, and i'm trying to figure out if i want to move to a smaller, more focused community. i'm at a point as a teacher where i'm reaching my third year, and i need a space i know i can commit to, and can thrive in. question is, do i wanna stick it out and stay at my current school? or do i wanna start brand new at a smaller school. it seems that the more i see about these charter schools, the more i realize that it IS going to be a lot of work -- getting accustomed to a new space, having to work harder with a smaller staff, being held perhaps even more accountable because of the small space. but staying at my school right now is also going to require a lot of work -- stepping up in leardership roles to continue restructure a struggling school, navigating a bigger school, etc. i love love love the student culture at my school, but i'm not sure i can really thrive there as a teacher. i'm still deciding. and it hurts my head -- especially because i won't ever really know if i make the right decision, because that kinda shit takes time when you're teaching...
decision #2
- well, it's not really a decision; it's more like a showdown! showdown with my parents that is -- phatty and i are planning to finally have that talk with the parents about living together. i keep playing the scene in my head and i imagine different responses: my dad shuts down, i get mad and yell and cry, and find the nearest exit; my dad shuts down, then has a heart attack, then i feel responsible; my dad shuts down, then smacks either me or patrick or both up side the head with a bible. ha. it's a very funny situation when i sit down and write about it, but oh freakin my, it's not gonna be when it all goes down. wish us luck folks!
decision #3
- turns out my lease ends at the end of june. do i 1) move back in with the parents, and risk reapin the wrath of parents who think i'm a fornicater! and then go, thanks for letting me stay, i'm gonna set up shop with my live in lover, now! or 2) do i spend hella money on a place, and just wait for phatty to show up, or 3) do i spend some time in the bay and store my shit somewhere, or 4) do i sublet with some random folks? it's maybe not as stressful as the above two situations, but it is a freaking hassle moving shit around. bah.
and i don't think i or my body responds well to stress. i find myself working out less and sleeping a hell of a lot more. hopefully by next week, my brain will have a satisfying movement and released all this anxiety... but i don't think it's gonna be as simple as that...
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2 comments:
#1- I think your choice should be something that makes you happy no matter how hard the work is. Maybe a new environment can be good for you, but at the same time I know you have put a lot of work into the one you already have. Are you willing to stay and commit yourself to the current situation?
#2- Good freakin' luck! I think my dad is still in denial. Or he doesn't really know what's going on.
#3- come to the bay!!!!!
hmm... moving to the bay would seem easier in some aspects, and that would also mean one less person moving out =) of course there's the whole job thing, but it's the BAY!
okay you got me, i really just don't want phatty to leave!!!!!
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