Firemen stand up

i know there's been a lot of folks swept up in the awe of Obama's inauguration -- myself included, albeit with a certain hesitancy.  on my way to work listening to "Democracy Now," I couldn't help it to be moved by actor/activist Harry Belafonte's words at a post-inauguration gala.  I don't know if I agree if "they" are truly gone -- Bush is gone, but not gone are the fucked up police, among others -- but I was still moved by Belafonte's timely and inspiring words: 

For a long time,  the progressive movement has been maligned, denounced, villifed by those who not only stole the power of the people in this nation but sought to move it eternally into a place of oppression.  Well, they're gone.  But for what it is worth, I'd like to counsel you that their absence is a very brief one.  At this moment they are working tenaciously not only to understand what happened, that they should have lost thir power, but how to regain it.  It is up to us to be proud of who we are, proud of being liberals, proud of being progressives, proud of being gay, proud of being black, proud of being women, proud of being workers, proud of being young, and know that we can shape the future.  Each and every one of us has that task.

... the last thing Dr. King ever said to me before he was assassinated was when we stood in a room and he reflected on the state of the nation.  He looked at the war in Vietnam.  He looked at the sluggish economy.  He looked at the pain and the anger and the rage that existed in America on the issues of race.  And he said rather solemnly, "Harry, I believe we are integrating into a burning house."  And when I asked him what would he have us do, if that be his thought, he said, "We are just going to have to become firemen."

Each and every one of you here tonight represent the firemen.  We have to walk into the flames of right-wing mischief.  We have to walk into the flame of opposition.  We have to take stock of what's going on in this world and be rooted in the belief and the knowledge that we can change this and that we will change this.

maestra notes: significance of inauguration...?

this in selma, alabama, 1965

to now this in 2009?

so i'm trying to plan lessons to incorporate tuesday's inauguration of our first black president into my existing lessons on oral history/herstory (yes, i know it's satsurday and it's a long wknd, butmy day 8 cleanse vibe is keeping me motivated and busy). bunch of questions arise: how do i incorporate the inauguration without giving this delusion to students that we're all good now? at the same time, how do i show the significance of this historical event? how do i not just make this a black issue with my black and brown students?

then, i'm sitting by phatty doing his usual google reader routine, as he's watching a music video of young geezy's "my president is black." i think, huh, that'd be dope to incorporate to engage the youngins, but turns out the lyrics are pretty wack and non-related. i then get a whole playlist of current hip hop songs dedicated to obama (there's a lot!), and come across jay-z's "history." the song doesn't necessarily speak specifically to obama's presidency (which is a good thing, cuz i could connect it to history in general), but the above music video really captures what i wanted to communicate to my students.

so along with that, i'm planning to discuss the event where marchers got beaten by police in Selma, Alabama, on their way to Montgomery to protest about their voting rights. as well as look at photos of the events in a gallery walk.

and to get students to speak about their needs from our next president, and speaking of songs related to this, there's always the lovely Janelle Monae speakin to "Mr. President" about what we need. we'll see what my students say about what they need...

p/s: i'm hopin to do a regular round of "maestra notes" to share ideas with fellow educators out there. keep the sharing goin!

waltz with bashir

i watched Ari Folman's Waltz with Bashir last night, which is about an Israeli war veteran turned film director trying to recover his memory about his involvement in the first Lebanon war in the 80s. i only watched the trailer beforehand and didn't know much about the film, nor the extensive history of the war, but by the last third of the film you realize that this is a real director speaking to real folks who were involved in the war, up until the tragic and startling ending (i'll leave it at that).

on multiple levels, the film is amazing and timely. on an artistic level, the film somewhat reminds me of the animated film Waking Life, with its surreal yet all-too-real images and characters. you forget you're watching an animated film because of the jilting sounds and characterizations, yet you're taken into a dream world where real people, real deaths, and real stories intermingle with delusions, fantasies and sometimes humor.

on a different level, the film couldn't come at a more, shall i say, important(?) time, when 410 children, 108 women, and 118 elderly peopled have died in Gaza at the hands of Israeli forces. as i was watching the scenes of rotting corpses of children, wailing widows/mothers, i couldn't but help to think of Gaza. i'm in the process of planning a Holocaust unit for my English class, and will probably use this film to incorporate the the Arab-Israeli conflict. altho i must say i have lots more to research on all of this...

on a psychological, psychoanalysis tip, the film also speaks on the concept of memory, and how we tend to forget and simultaneously create illusions in order to heal from traumatic circumstances. it's interesting how the director chose the genre of animation instead of documentary to capture his story -- it speaks to both his quest to capture the emotional/psychological depth of his experiences, but also speaks to his inability to recover the realities of what happened.

and on a rhetorical level (i can't help but pick at the film without my english teacher lens), i wanted to know more about the director's choice of title - "Waltz with Bashir." besides the explicit tie-in with the scene of a soldier "waltzing" around as he shoots randomly across a Lebanese overpass, i wonder if it had to do with the Israel's "waltzing" into Lebanon and massacring civilians without any notice or due process, or with the director's "waltzing" around and avoidance of his memory and role in the war.

so, if you're lookin for a different type of film, an emotional and deep fim, go see Walts with Bashir.

cleanse day 4

random thoughts on day 4 of master cleanse:

• feelin all of the sudden stronger this week, after a rough one last week -- not necessarily due to cleanse, but maybe from all that deep ass reflection and getting back to work.
• also suddenly having clear ass sensory action going on: on my way driving to work smelled sausages in my car, and i looked to my right, and a catering truck drove past; i finally can smell what my students complain about in my classroom after being immune to the smell; lights/street signs/cityscapes are super vibrant to me right now -- i've read that the cleanse heightens your senses... in a way, i kind of feel clearer in my head too...
• on an ugly note, i'm tired of wiping my ass.
  
• my belt buckles are suddenly going down notches. nice.
• the third time around doing the master cleanse, i really don't mind being in front of food. the test this saturday is i'm cooking an anniversary meal for my parents. we'll see how that ish goes...
• lookin back to last week, i think i'm tired of reflecting/theorizing/soul-searching and just wanna put shit into practice, so to speak. after all that thinking, i've realized i need to trust my intuition more and follow through.
  
• energy isn't quite there yet tho, hoping to work out sometime at end of week....
• that's it for now!
  

work/love redefined

work is love made visible
- khalil gibran

so, over winter break i noticed this quote written on a post-it placed on my sistamaestra liza's laptop. altho on winter break and extremely anti-work at the time, the quote caught my eye and i decided to text it to myself. i just thought to myself, that makes sense, and it wouldn't hurt to keep it somewhere i could come back to.

it's weird how simple things like this can suddenly return to you with such significance.

now that i'm back to work, that i'm suddenly in this metaphysical soul-searching tip, and reflecting about what love truly means as i read paulo coehlo's by the river piedra i sat down and wept, and pondering the new year and my soon-to-be saturn return (altho i feel like i'm already hella up in it), gibran's quote has really sunk deep with me.

when i go to work and i'm staring at a room full of students who i'm not ready to interact with quite yet, i try to remember that i've chosen this work out of love. when i get frustrated at the lack of skills and self control of my students, i try to remember that it takes love to overcome my bitterness and know that it takes love to realize sometimes it's not my students' fault -- sometimes it's the system they've been put in. and then suddenly, on a day where i kept sighing from not really wanting to be at work, or trying to pump myself up to get through the day, a student comes inside my classroom during lunch and just sits by me. not to talk about anything in particular. just cuz she feels comfortable sitting by me with a simple pause and then smile, and then "hey miss, how are you doing?" and as i'm tryin to read my book during lunch break, more students come in, some of them start unexpectedly practicing their freestyles and rhymes for an open mic field trip i'm taking them to tomorrow. another student comes in and shares a story she wrote on her own about her life, just because. not just because it was an assignment. just because she wanted to share. and i realize, sometimes when you put love into your work that love can unexpectedly come back. in simple ways like this.

and i'm slowly realizing that love isn't easy or logical. it ain't romance. that inversely, for love to truly come about, you need to fully work at it. whether it's loving myself enough to go through a 10-day cleanse, which i'm starting on saturday. it takes work to know what's good for you, what's not healthy for you, and then to follow through and really cleanse out your entire system -- physically, mentually, and spiritually.

it takes work and discipline and honesty to love others and to be open to love others. and even to love yourself.

so, when i'm feeling resistant to work, to love, to others, i'm going to try to keep this quote in mind.

and, i hope a year from now when a read this post, i can just laugh at myself for how earthymetaloopy i sound... yeah.

reflections for 08, intentions for 09

yeah I know. this is my first entry since september, after my first week at a new charter school. creating this blog entry now pretty much captures my 2008 in that it shows how I hella dive into a new idea, a new experience, a new routine, and then somehow abruptly stop and walk away.

I think I’ve learned that from this year, and particularly these past weeks of taking a break from work, that I’m inclined to extremes: I’ll immerse myself into lesson planning and dedicating myself to work, all while ignoring my piled up laundry, my messy ass room/car/life, and perhaps even those close ones around me who remain outside of the classroom; after that’s done with, I’ll take a drastic break from the teacher me and become the sloth me, ignoring all responsibilities I have to my students at the present and saturate myself with non-critical thinking, anti-social activities like hibernating til 2pm, watching mundane marathons of top chef and america’s top model, etc. I’ve endeavored to reach a a healthy balance by doing the master cleanse twice this year, where I [temporarily] removed my attachments to food, to laziness, and I managed to lose a considerable amount of weight [both in the physical and spiritual sense] – but now at the end of 2008 I’ve gone back to indulging in every non-healthy activity of eating, drinking, and just bein plain undisciplined.

I could go on and on about my attachment to extremes this year: of teaching at a huge 3,000-student school to an intimate 300-student charter school, of surviving the 3-year long distance relationship to virtually seeing Patrick alllllll the time. At times living this way can be fulfilling, sinking into the very moment, ignoring any surrounding distractions – and it just feels damn good. Sometimes you have to go through deep struggle, to appreciate the release afterwards. But in some ways, being so extreme can come at the expense of others – I’ve become so dedicated at certain passions like work or my relationship with Patrick, that I’ve lost touch with a number of close friends or family or being open to make new friends, and at times preventing myself and even Phatty the space to grow and be mindful about what I’m truly doing.

And I don’t think it’s so much moderation I’m seeking. I remember my yoga teacher explained a metaphor of balance, where the stem of a plant that is bent all the way to one side, can only reach the middle, if the wind blows it to the very other side, and that way the stem returns back to the middle. In yoga terms, when you’re in a pose, you have to stretch your body towards polar opposites to find a genuine balance. So maybe I’m in uber-reflective metaphysical terms because it’s a new year period, but what I’m tryin to say is that I’m not so much seeking moderation – I just want to be mindful about the actions I take, no matter how moderate or extreme they are, and be aware of how those actions affect others, affect myself and my ability to be true to myself, and not just attached to the indulgent present.

So those are my intentions for 2009: to be disciplined, to be mindful of my actions and words, to have an open mind/body/spirit, to have integrity.

On a last note, I realize, especially after some deep reflection today at a meditation space, that I’ve been truly blessed this year. Despite any internal or physical struggles I’ve dealth with, I just suddenly became aware today that I’m fortunate to have had amazing and challenging experiences, and amazing folks to share those experiences with. I have a beautiful family who makes me truly feel at home. I’ve been inspired by all my students in the stories and ideas they share with me. Even though I haven’t seen some of my ladyfriends in quite some time, they continue to inspire me in the work they do and the joy I still have when we see each other. I’ve got the best partner who challenges me to go beyond myself but at the same time know myself better. And even tho this seems unnatural for me to do, I also thank myself, for hustling through another rigorous and fulfilling year. So, instead of ending this first day of 09 with my intentions, I’d rather close it on being thankful for all these blessings. Peace and thanks!

back to school, week 1

not completely done with week 1 -- it seems both like forever ago and just a blink ago that this week started, after much anticipation, much sweat and [sometimes tears] stressing about putting together an entirely new classroom in an entirely new and small school.

some funny / inspiring / surprising moments of this week that involve both my students and (in an pleasantly unexpected way) my parents:

- best random phrase said to me by a student while i was trying to faciliate a teambuilding game: "miss, why do you have a hickey on your neck?" (to which i simply and calmly said, "yeah, i don't think i have one" (which i didn't!) and moved on. the wonders of being in your third year of teaching and being able to brush off wacky comments!)

- most inspiring moment so far: in a discussion about humanities and how history and literature represent the human condition, i played the song and youtube clip of strange fruit for all my classes. some students were moved so much they were crying in class. but besides that one young, outspoken young woman spoke up and talked about her grandmother's family being lynched and how she didn't want anyone to think that the song was funny or to react in an immature way and think seriously about the song. this young person is definitely someone i'm gonna focus on getting to really step up this year...

- least surprising moment so far: hearing that the students have asked the only other asian teacher at the school (who's vietnamese) if she and i are sisters. i've emphasized at least three times afterwards that i'm filipino. starred it on my map in my classroom and everything. talked to students how in the philippines we call our towns "barrios" too... am i doin too much? probably. will they know who are filipinos are by the end of this year? yes.

- interesting, to say the least, fact about my students so far: i have one pregnant student at 4 months; one male student who brought in his 2-week baby afterschool on the first day. boy, was that a trip seeing this young "man" holding this tiny little baby with the look of such maturity but at the same time seeming, still, so young. i hear another student might also be pregnant...

- which leads to the unexpected moment of the week: i had dinner with my parents the first day, and told them about the young parents in my classes. my mom brushed it off, sayin she wasn't surprised. my dad however, suddenly went deep into contemplation mode and all the sudden started talking about how at 18, he got this 16-year old girl pregnant. i already knew about having a long-lost sister, but i've never truly had such an open conversation with him about it, let alone with him AND my mom at the same time. i dunno if it's just me getting older, but it's nice having open conversations about seemingly taboo topics with your parents...

he told me how it wasn't even his girlfriend at the time, how he went off to the service when she got pregnant, and later returned years later to be sued by the mom. he talked about wanting to meet her, but not knowing how to go about it.

it's crazy cuz i remember growing up with two older brothers who at timed seemed too cool, too old, or too male-oriented to be close to. that and they were always farting on me or making me do random "projects" for them like making tap ramen for them or smelling their dirty socks. i always felt like having a sister would alleviate me and my need for a female presence in my life, besides my barbies and my mom who worked a lot. who knows... maybe i'll look my "sister" up on facebook one day... altho i hardly would know what to say...

anywhos. in a nutshell, so far (even tho it ain't over), good, positive, inspiring week. it's easy to get bogged down in planning, re-planning, prepping, and all the other hundred things to do when you're teaching. but when you go to work and see a bunch of bright eyed, honest, outspoken and energetic young people curious about the world, it's hard not to want to be good for them.